Today's subject might seem a tad gory or macabre, and for that I apollogize thoroughly half-heartedly.  As the head marketing agent for an international snack food manufacturer, this topic sure does keep ME up at night, and if it keeps me up in a sweaty panic, it surely should keep you up too.  That topic is, obviously, the death of manufacturing officials across China. 

Meet Zheng Xiaoyu, the former (definitely former) head of the Chinese version of the Food and Drug Administration.  Over his 30 some odd years serving China's Communist party, he distinguished himself as an exemplory bureaucrat, moving up the ranks of the State Food and Drug Administration from worker drone to pencil pusher to brow beater to sycophant to the chief, to, in 2003, the role of Chief Director and Kick-back Taker for the governmental body that monitors the quality of the food and drugs of the most populous country on Earth.

While director, he really shined by taking about $8 million in bribes for the important service of signing off on thousands of gallons of engine coolant to be used as a a food-thickening ingredient in export products as diverse as candy bars and children's cough syrup.  That only 40 Panamanian children died means that each one of those kids was worth $200,00 in kick backs!  What a STEAL!

By some miracle of modern forensics, Mr. Zheng was busted, tried for corruption charges, and, well, executed by lethal injection.  By a complete co-incidence, lethal injections in the united States use the same lethal chemical he signed off on as a thickening agent.  How's that for twisted justice!?!?  Without a hint of irony, however, Mr. Zhang appealed his sentence, deeming it "too extreme"... Hmmm, 1 life for 40?  I wonder what Hammurabi would say?

So that all happened last month, but just this past Monday, August 13th, yet ANOTHER Chinese Manufacturing magnate met a bitter end courtesy of corruption, only this time he took matters into his own hands, perhaps hearing about just how awful that thickening agent stuff is.  It seems that several million Mattel toys, everything from SpongBob action figures to Baby Wet-My-Pants were all designed using healthy, lustrous, brain damage inducing lead paint.  No wonder SpongBob's so "Zany".

Meet Zhang Shuhong,  the former (definitely former) owner of Hong kong based toy maker Lee Der
Manufacturing, a plant which for years has made Match-Box cars, Barbi Dolls, and dolls that pee when squeezed.  Most boys have traditionally thought that Match-Box cars looked brawny, and most girls found Baby Soiled-Groin cute, and EVERYbody finds Barbi to be quite a minx.

But wait, maybe that was all just toxic fumes from all that lead paint, maybe Match-Box cars are actually shameless attemps to promote shoddy American car manucaturing, maybe Baby Tinkle-Sprinkle's just a way to insure that the masses keep up that supply of cheap labor, and maybe Barbi's actually some twisted nut's sick, perverted fantasy run amok through our culture, turning our nation's little girls into warped gargoyle-imitations of grosely unhealthy pedophile fetishes...

Well, when the fumes cleared and Mr. Zhang (no relation, that I know of, to the OTHER Mr. Zhang) and his abuse of IQ dropping chemicals got outed by journalists much more rigorous than me, he opted to take the most honorable approach he could: he took his dog for a walk, payed his employees, took out the garbage, and slashed his wrists.... 

I'm somehow reminded in these days of plummeting stock market tickers of October 29th, 1929, AKA Black Tuesday, after which dozens of Wall Street brokers, faced with bankruptcy, opted instead to jump out of sky-scraper windows.  Boom times sometimes end in a crash, especially for the most unscrupulous members of our society, or now, it seems, the Chinese society as well...

Needless to say, here at Peeled Snacks we're committed to a completely Lead-and-or-engine-collant-free product.  But more than that, we guarantee that should we ever make some sort of gaff or guffaw or grossly negligent goof-up, we will NOT commit sepuku, nor will we balk should we be sentenced to death for killilng 40 children.

Thank heavens, though, that we live in America, and here at least, we only execute those too poor to afford competent lawyers....

Happy August,